Accepting Not Waiting

After being listed on the transplant list in 2019, I became accustomed to the waiting game. Waiting for a liver, waiting for someone to be a donor (wondering if anyone would), waiting for my health to deteriorate even more, waiting for a possible next hospital visit. Waiting became a part of my life, living life with the wait in the back of my mind.

I had my liver transplant in October 2021, and it’s been an interesting journey full of lessons, hurdles and amazing experiences and revelations. Nearly five (5) months down the line, and my waiting game is over but it still sits in the back of mind.

I now have my whole life ahead of me, and I get a lump in my throat every time I say that. With my new liver, I have so many more memories to make and moments to cherish. I’m learning to change the narrative in my mind from “I don’t have much time and I don’t know what’s lying ahead”, to “I have my whole life ahead me, there’s no rush… let’s just enjoy the ride”.

It’s been interesting learning how to slow down, both for my recovery and sanity’s sake. Slowing down for my recovery has taught me even more about being patient with myself. I do this by listening to a small voice in the back of my mind gently saying, “what’s the rush?”

I’m learning to accept no longer waiting, and how liberating it is to simply enjoy now and to know that I have so many more moments, big and small, that lie ahead.

And sure enough, even waiting will end… if you can just wait long enough — William Faulkner