The Heartbreak Of Death And People
October is just a few weeks away, and as the time grows closer it’s made me even more appreciative of the people in my life. When I close my eyes and think about the amazing individuals in my life, it’s like watching a series of all the moments of laughter, smiles and precious memories that I hold so close to my heart.
I am grateful for every single person that has crossed my life’s path. In their own way, they’ve all taught me unique life lessons. I would not be who I am today without all of them.
I envision standing in front of the Donald Gordon hospital doors with all of the individuals, in mind, standing behind me watching me walk through the doors.
It’s a daunting feeling. An overwhelming emotional one at times. For every single person I have allowed into my inner circle, there are no guards. Even if I’ve tried to keep them up. They’ve seen me cry, see me frustrated and hurting. And they have seen me laugh, smile and, and I simply enjoy the presence of their company.
People are amazing. Every single person has something unique, divine and beautiful to offer this world.
Some people have taught me to follow my faith and delve deeper into who and what I believe in, gently encouraging me to turn to God, Allah, whatever it may be for that person. Some have taught me to trust myself. Some have seen me through every heartache, and held my hand to pull through to the other side of the pain. Every single one of the people who I hold close to my heart, I have shared so many beautiful moments with.
Death is not something easy to think about. My biggest heartbreak at this present moment is in that small glimpse of ‘what if I don’t make it to the other side of the surgery?’. But not that heartbreak of death, but the heartbreak of the people I would leave behind. No longer being able to enjoy their presence, touch them, hug them, kiss them, experience life with them, or laughing and smiling together.
We don’t know what lies ahead, but what I have learned and what I know to the very core of my being is that every person who is currently in my life is someone so special to me, has helped me face what lies ahead with a little more strength, bravery and courage. And without them, I wouldn’t have a reason to want to continue. They’re the very reason I will fight whatever hurdles lie ahead, and will be the very same series of memories that will flash through my mind to help me to push through to the other side.
I want to be able to video call them after the surgery to see their beautiful faces.
Waiting for an organ, I’ve learnt, is not for the feint hearted. But if you have a support system behind you that will make jokes about nosebleeds, tremors (shaking), pregnancy jokes and asking how far along I am when I have ascites or bad water retention, and any other shitty side effects you’re feeling; then there is a stronger hold on seeing the other side.
My family and friends (who are pretty much family) are why tomorrow holds so much hope and promise in my mind. I love every single one of these people that are currently walking this journey with me, for all that they are and all that they bring to life’s table. They’re strong individuals who have made me stronger. And without them, not only would life be lonely, but it would be rather boring too.